Heart in a Shoebox

Comment of the day: "Do you ever just feel like your life is wasting away here and that there are so many other things you could be doing instead of this?" -guy at work

Whew, there are some scary implications in that sentence: a life wasting away, missing out, being somewhere else, doing something else...but let's stay focused here. Do I feel that way? No need to disguise it - yes, I do.

But a more important question is, "Am I really wasting away and missing out on the life I ought to be living? Should I be somewhere else? Am I supposed to do this?" Funny, I think I've been through this all before...Oh, yes! Now I remember! These are the nagging questions that have previously threatened my contentment with You that summer before I decided to go to Ravencrest. That year I spent in my studies there. The summer back in Denver and the first few months during my internship. And yes, those two awesome years on staff.

Yes, we've definitely been here before . And the answer is still the same - a resonating "no". As it was said in a lecture long ago, "Waiting time is not wasted time." And with You being a God who is always at work, how could it be anything but glorious and grand?!

But Lord, then again, I'm just at Dillard's. Just a sales associate in the Ladie's Shoe Dept. And I don't even like it, really. =/ There aren't that many customers. And I'm on edge constantly with the other associates out to make commission and have my head! They are sharks swimming in a sea of shoes! And I'm a guppy! Oh, silly corporate ladder. Why must it be so...so...ugh. I can't even say "ladder" without thinking of the appropriate footwear. Ha.

So, what's the point of me being here?! I stand all day, making conversation with my co-workers, trying to pass the slow hours until close, my heart in a shoebox. Oh, but there are the conversations that confuse and intrigue people. Like why I went to Bible school. Why I am so careful in my relationships. Why I respond calmly when insulted. Why I don't complain like the others. I like it when they question me though. Because then I can tell them it's because of You.

Well, I suppose that if you want my heart in a shoebox for now, that's fine by me. I'm a US size 6.5 and a 37 in the European standard. Please make sure I am not in the wrong box and labeled correctly. =)

Always Yours,
Steph