Good vs. Better

"Good job!"

"Good choice."

"Life is good."

"Good weather."

"Good song."

"Good food."

How much of my life is good? A majority, in my view. The term, "good" has become a now elevated meaning in my brain, my vocabulary, my lifestyle. I view myself as "good". I have always been a "good girl", the "teacher's pet", a "favorite" of social circles and when nothing too upheaving is happening, I tell people, "It's all good"; when I need little, I say, "I'm good." However, I have re-discovered the so-called "Good" and it's taxing precedence in my own life. 

I am good at order; a Type-A personality and an eye for detail support it. I am efficient and loathe the idea that something may take longer than actually needed to achieve if done "improperly". And the biggest battle? I am "good" at everything. Seriously. Anything I try, I do. If I try to keep a schedule, I do. If I try to be creative, I am. If I try to make something work, I do. Usually, I would think this a good thing. Efficiency? Check. Thoroughness? Check. Check. 

All that to say, even the "Steph 4.0" (the fleshly girl who is all about perfection instead of the One who is Perfect) is good. Practicality and viewpoint of what must be fixed is always present. And it's good. The Lord graciously told me so. But He also included an additional statement of, "but only one thing is needed...what is BETTER". 

When is being good, bad? When I am satisfied with it. When "good" is all I am after. When Steph 4.0 is enough. When her efforts and mere attempts are a reality and she focuses on the task to be done, instead of the One to Whom it is being done for. That is when good is bad. And that is when doing must be secondary to being. (insert repentance here.)

s: "Oh, but Lord, I am up against SO much! Can you not see me?!"

G: "El Roi".

s: "What about my broken perspective?! I've got issues, You know!"

G: "Jehovah Rophe".

s: "I'm lacking."

G: "Yahweh Yireh".

s: "I'm scared."

G: "Yaweh Shalom".

s: "I'm alone and fighting a foe I cannot see - and- I have no resources."

G: "Yahweh Tsebaoth". 

"Teach me Thy Way, O Lord; 

I will walk in Thy Truth;

Unite my heart to fear Thy name."

Good or Better?

Better.

"the glitch"

Scenario: at work, doing absolutely nothing...

Thinking: "I wonder how I am going to last the day, let alone stay out of deficit until April...pff...if I'm in deficit, I won't' get transferred to another department...what if they let me go? I'll have to find another job...if I get another job, it will have to be comparable in pay...oh, gee..."

Then: the phone rings...

"Dillard's Ladies Shoes. This is Stephanie."

"Hey, Stephanie! It's Lora. Are you with a customer right now?"

"Not at the moment."

"Really?! Great?! It's going to be a good day! Come to my office!"

Lord, remind me again, why is it a good day? I SO don't want to be here...

When I walked in, there was Shirley (my dept. manager) and Lora...and they looked really, really...happy. Long story short, I have been transferred to another dept.; I am now the Dillard's Coach Specialist. 

But here is the kicker! The transfer was impossible. I was told nearly 4 weeks ago that I could not be transferred until April. They had already tried and the computer system would not allow it because there was a minimum assigned requirement of 6 months for the shoe dept. 

Yesterday, I was told that there was a glitch in the system. Lora and Shirley did not know how long it would last, so they tried to edit my info...and it went through! They moved me to Coach, which was vacant from a previous employee's departure. She gave her 2 weeks and didn't follow through - she just stopped showing up at work...They needed a replacement ASAP. I wanted to be placed elsewhere ASAP.

What's even more of a blessing is my first choice for a dept. was Accessories...and Coach is part of that dept.!!

After the details and written agreement were settled, Shirley says to me, "Stephanie, I believe that God -" she stops short and gives me a look. "Do you believe in God?! Because I do! I believe everything happens for a reason." 

I laughed and said, "I sure do. I'm a Christian!"

"Well, Stephanie, I believe that God made that glitch in the system just for you! Just so you could switch departments! Just to make you happy. And this glitch, He KNEW you didn't like it in shoes, and He is taking care of you."

So, thank you, Lord! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!...Thank you for "the glitches" in my life. 

Heart in a Shoebox

Comment of the day: "Do you ever just feel like your life is wasting away here and that there are so many other things you could be doing instead of this?" -guy at work

Whew, there are some scary implications in that sentence: a life wasting away, missing out, being somewhere else, doing something else...but let's stay focused here. Do I feel that way? No need to disguise it - yes, I do.

But a more important question is, "Am I really wasting away and missing out on the life I ought to be living? Should I be somewhere else? Am I supposed to do this?" Funny, I think I've been through this all before...Oh, yes! Now I remember! These are the nagging questions that have previously threatened my contentment with You that summer before I decided to go to Ravencrest. That year I spent in my studies there. The summer back in Denver and the first few months during my internship. And yes, those two awesome years on staff.

Yes, we've definitely been here before . And the answer is still the same - a resonating "no". As it was said in a lecture long ago, "Waiting time is not wasted time." And with You being a God who is always at work, how could it be anything but glorious and grand?!

But Lord, then again, I'm just at Dillard's. Just a sales associate in the Ladie's Shoe Dept. And I don't even like it, really. =/ There aren't that many customers. And I'm on edge constantly with the other associates out to make commission and have my head! They are sharks swimming in a sea of shoes! And I'm a guppy! Oh, silly corporate ladder. Why must it be so...so...ugh. I can't even say "ladder" without thinking of the appropriate footwear. Ha.

So, what's the point of me being here?! I stand all day, making conversation with my co-workers, trying to pass the slow hours until close, my heart in a shoebox. Oh, but there are the conversations that confuse and intrigue people. Like why I went to Bible school. Why I am so careful in my relationships. Why I respond calmly when insulted. Why I don't complain like the others. I like it when they question me though. Because then I can tell them it's because of You.

Well, I suppose that if you want my heart in a shoebox for now, that's fine by me. I'm a US size 6.5 and a 37 in the European standard. Please make sure I am not in the wrong box and labeled correctly. =)

Always Yours,
Steph