Old Promises of a New Mercy

I asked a friend what it was about New Years that she enjoyed so much; her excitement to stay up late and fill the evening with games, food, and the town's fireworks display seemed a bit over the top. Her personality did not make it strange to me that she was so motivated in everything, only that there seemed to be more behind it. With an impish grin, she exclaimed, "I just love the concept of starting something over". 

My response? I don't believe I have one. You see, like many, I am a type-A personality. Us perfection - driven freaks love the pressure of getting things right the first time. (Yes. Despite what we profess and display, we are indeed very messed up and has much to do with our misplaced identities, but that's an entirely separate conversation). 

Ok, honestly? Her answer made me cringe. And now that I am sitting here typing this, I am convinced that this annual, celebratory, kiss-the-stranger-next-to-you, drinking, be-there-in-Times-Square bash is exactly what I often times spend the whole year trying to avoid. The idea of needing to begin again, start over, and another 365 days (and every four years, 366 days) being before me to tackle make me...tired. 

You know as well as I do that trying to live a better year is simply not possible. We do the same things every year. We resolve our ambitions. We remember our ancestors. We fight, forgive, and forget. And here's the kicker: we get older. Even if you managed to workout more, eat a little less, pay off more of your mortgage, save a bit more for a get-away, or whatever, you. Are. Older. And you know what that means...you are older. And wiser.

You are wiser because you have learned, and you have learned because you have made mistakes. There. I said it. You buckled under the pressure. You ate that cake. Proverbial or literal hardly matters. You said, "no" when you should have said, "yes". And vice-versa. Or you did what you swore you would never do. You were weak. You were overbearing and bulldozed a friend. You lost your temper. You were passive. Selfish. Lazy. I could go on, but I will refrain from boring you with all of my personal flaws. (There's not enough space on this page).

Every year, my heart and soul resolutely decide to "get it right". And thanks be to God that I failed miserably. And I don't mean it's sad. I mean I was nowhere close to satisfying myself with my level of accomplishment, let alone God, Himself. I mean absolutely and utterly. Failed. And yet here I am. 

Having to start a year over, whether I want to or not. Now, hear me out, I am not negating the victories of the past year. Rather, in an ironic way, I am affirming them. 

In short, you and I will never "get it right" the first time. There is no such thing. But consider this: the necessity to do things "right the first time" was never stated, suggested, or required by God. No where in scripture or even in the cycles of our celebrations is there ever an implication that we are supposed to even "get it right", let alone "the fist time". The Bible is filled to the broad brim with stories, confessions, pleas, and promises of MERCY. 

I suppose I write this more for myself as a reminder; Instead of seeing the New Year exclusively as a "year" and associating all the things that have, had, and will happen, I want to see "NEW".

Lamentations 3:22-25

"The Lord's loving kindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassion never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore, I have hope in Him." The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him.